哇！第十九天，真不可思議。大家都來寫日記吧！ Perhaps I should write in English sometimes. No way! Everybody will know how bad my writing is, nor is my Chinese writing any better.
What I want to talk about is the video I recorded last night, well, probably after midnight. This morning I woke up at around 6 a.m. It’s just way too early for me. Not sure why I just woke up. Normally I was woken up by the noise my neighbor made. This morning it was quiet when I woke up.
I don’t remember what I did this morning. I’m just too forgetful these days. Anyway, I was checking my YouTube channel, and realized that I uploaded a video last night, which I wasn’t aware of until then. I was going to call it 非意識，because it’s not conscious, neither is it unconscious, then I thought of the word subconscious. Or perhaps it shouldn’t be called subconscious.
Ah, I know the word, under the influence, but not of alcohol. It’s the sleeping pill’s side effect. Most sleeping pills I have taken do this to me. I would do strange things or things I wanted to do but didn’t do, like eating some snacks. I tried going swimming once. I was lucky that I wasn’t drowned. I remember peddling the bicycle and found it difficult and was wondering what was wrong with the bike. I sometimes cooked or went out to the convenience store to buy food.
It’s scary that I do things while I wasn’t conscious. I used to send messages to my students and asked them out for dinner. Actually I chatted with my student for over an hour and I had no memory of that until I saw the messages. Taking sleeping pills is a necessary evil. It’s a tough decision. Believe me! It’s not just that easy to quit. There are all kinds of reasons and excuses of course.
Well, time for bed again. I don’t know why I feel so tired today. I got up early but I took a nap in the afternoon, but still I felt exhausted when I walked home today. Normally I enjoy walking home, but tonight I was dragging myself home. Oh my goodness. Whatever, writing diary is not like wiring a composition. It can be really bad and no one should complain about it. Ha ha. 99