瘋狂星期一

對很多人來說星期一都是瘋狂的,但是其實從前潔西的星期一都是非常悠哉的。幾個星期前,星期一二都沒有課,所以可以慢慢地備後面幾天的課,反正星期一備不完還有星期二擋着,所以呢,可以做個菜,打掃一下,整理一下心情,寫寫部落格,但是呢這份悠哉隨著課慢慢的增加,星期一二晚上都開始上課,然後剛好同時有比較密集的一對一課程,整個完全大亂,最忙碌的一天從星期四變成星期二,還好只是暫時的,不過也該忙碌了,不然沒有收入啊,呵呵。

 

剛剛備課備到頭有點痛起來,好吧,算了。明天看能不能靠新買的鬧鐘早點起來再繼續備課。今天睡晚了,又睡到中午,但又不想把自己逼的太焦慮,所以一起床就開始備課,告個段落,吃午餐,然後繼續備課,出門上課,開心上課,下課走路到環球當散步25分鐘,然後拿鞋子後坐車回家,買宵夜,一邊吃宵夜一邊看電視,看完逛逛FB,繼續備課,備課,備課,因為怕明天起不來,所以剛剛看講義看到眼睛都睜不開,頭都痛了,宣告放棄,用腦過度可能也沒什麼效果。

 

今天上課很開心,潔西很喜歡上課,通常要上課都很開心,尤其喜歡上課看到大家也很開心。畢竟上了一天班或一天課的學生,上英文課還要戰戰兢兢太辛苦了。今天的課是第三堂,也算新班,但是呢覺得大部分同學都很和善,所以潔西也開了些玩笑。但是呢也有些今天第一次上課的同學,希望沒有嚇到他們。呵呵。其中有位同學,非常嚴肅的臉,不知道是聽不懂,還是…怎麼樣都不笑,到最後潔西不知道說了什麼,忘了,但是這位同學終於跟著其他同學一起笑了,耶!超開心的,非常有成就感。呵呵。這無聊的老師,怎麼把逗學生笑變成一種成就感了。

 

恩,也不是啦。我家大寶喜歡變魔術,因為他喜歡看到別人臉上驚喜的表情,那種,哇!然後他也喜歡都別人笑,因為看到別人笑容很開心。潔西也是覺得,假如能讓人家開心是件很棒的事,不過當然潔西最重要的任務是要幫助同學學好英文,假如能兩者兼具的話,那就再好不過了。潔西很喜歡自己的學生,應該就是那種爸爸媽媽覺得自己的孩子是世界上最好最棒的那種天下父母心的心態吧,顆顆。剛剛看到學生星期四要比賽的消息,是跟非常強勁的隊伍,潔西都跟著緊張起來了,然後笑了,又不是你比賽,緊張什麼啊!可惜那天要上課,沒法看比賽,只能默默祝福,祈禱他們有很好的成績。

 

該睡了,不然明天一定起不來。有點不開心的事,要不要寫下來呢?也不是不開心的事,或許是自己想太多,人真是奇怪啊,再怎麼樣開心都還是會往不開心的方面想。上星期心情超差的時候覺得自己真是一個糟糕的老師,自己究竟在做什麼啊?同學真的有學到東西嗎?這個部落格是不是應該關掉啊?每天都在跟自己說要正面思考,再怎麼樣的事都要看好的一面,這是不是逃避現實啊?是不是粉飾太平?是不是沒有好好面對自己的問題?心情不好時的想法是很奇怪的,很悲觀的,很不可理喻的,但有時候不知道究竟哪一個才是正確的,因為太多事混在一起,有時候覺得事實的真相就竟是哪一個?潔西是這個部落格上的潔西還是上課的潔西還是私底下的潔西還是FB的潔西還是當阿姨的潔西還是當朋友的潔西還是大家都不知道的潔西。顆顆。還是在瘋狂星期一胡言亂語的瘋狂潔西?有時候自己都不知道。

 

不過還是很謝謝同學網友的支持。那天心情很差的時候收到同學的來信說喜歡上潔西的課,問潔西什麼時候有課,很感動呢。今天也收到同學來信,說潔西的部落格很好笑funny,恩,就跟潔西本來一樣嗎?呵呵。就像每次收到網友的請求交友或同學留言說喜歡潔西的課。這個世界上一定有喜歡跟不喜歡你的人,真的不可能也不需要每個人都喜歡你,不過要喜歡自己喔!潔西大概十次不開心有九次是不喜歡自己,所以呢要做很多事才能讓自己喜歡自己。

 

今天This Book Will Change Your Life  的任務是上教堂,就台灣人而言,可以改成去廟裡拜拜。裡面用的字體潔西看到眼睛都要掉出來才看懂,今天就不翻譯了。心靈的支持也是很重要。到教堂跟廟裡真的都會有一種不可思議的心靈平靜喔。沒有宗教信仰的人也可以試試看,當作是體驗:)

 

Day 38 Spend some time in a church today

Even the irreligious amongst us can appreciate that churches provide , away from the hyperkinetic madness of modern life.

Breathe in the air of centuries.

Let the shadows envelop you.

LIght a candle for a long-lost friend.

Contemplate the silence.

Perhaps even find God.

 

What to say to God if you find him

God is fed up with being quizzed about the same old chestnuts like evil and creation all the time.

make Him notice you with a cheeky  questions, like what’s his favorite breakfast cereal, or did Adam and Eve have belly buttons.

 

最後睡覺前放一首潔西目前最愛團體 Macklemore & Ryan Lewis的Starting Over。還沒有很仔細查歌詞,不過應該是在說戒癮,復發,從新來過。relapse這個字有復發的意思,就像潔西的冬季憂鬱跟不定時炸彈一樣,什麼時候再發作再爆發感覺都沒有跡可循,雖然很努力了,但是呢遇到了有時努力對抗成功了,有時候覺得快要被打倒了,再怎麼努力好像都沒有用,有時候覺得累透了,就這樣吧。一次又一次的relapse,唉,也只能一次一次的抗戰,一次又一次的Starting Over,感謝上帝,家人,朋友,學生,網友的有形無形的鼓勵與支持,加油!明天一定要早起,呵呵。Sweet dreams.

 

 

Those 3 plus years, I was so proud of
And I threw ‘em all away for 2 Styrofoam cups
The irony, everyone will think that he lied to me
Made my sobriety so public, there’s no fuckin’ privacy
If I don’t talk about it then I carry a date
08-10-08, but now it’s been changed in every..
When they put me in some box as a saint
I never was, it’s the false prophet that never came
And well they think that everything that I written has all been fake
Oh well I’ll just take my slip to the grave
Uh, what the fuck are my parents gonna say?
The success story that got his life together and changed
And you know what pain looks like
When you tell your dad you relapsed then look him directly into his face
The seat on your shoulder’s the seemingly heavy weight
I’ve been seeing tears like this on my girl
In a while the trust that I once built’s been betrayed
But I’d rather live telling the truth than be judged for my mistakes
The falsely held up, given props, loved and praised
I guess I gotta get this on the pageFeeling sick and helpless, lost the compass where self is
I know what I gotta do and I can’t help it
One day at a time is what they tell us
Now I gotta find a way to tell them
God help ‘em
One day at a time is what they tell us
Now I gotta find a way to tell them

We fell so hard
Now we gotta get back what we lost.. lost..
I thought you’d go
But you were with me all along.. along..

And every kid that came up to me
And said I was the music they listened to when they first got clean
Now look at me, a couple days sober
I’m fighting demons
Back of that meeting on the east side
Shaking tweakin’, hope that they don’t see it
Hope that no one is looking
That no one recognizes that failure under that hoodie
Was posted in the back with my hands crossed shooken
If they call on me I’m passing, if they talk to me I’m booking out that door
But before I can make it somebody stops me and says are you Macklemore?
Maybe this isn’t the place or time
I just wanted to say that if it wasn’t for other side I wouldn’t have made it
I just look down at the ground and say thank you
She tells me she has 9 months and that she’s so grateful
Tears in her eyes, looking like she’s gonna cry.. fuck!
I barely got 48 hours, treated like I’m some wise monk
I wanna tell her I relapsed but I can’t
I just shake her hand and tell her congrats
Get back to my car and I think I’m tripping yea
Cause God wrote Otherside, that pen was in my hand
I’m just a flawed man, man I fucked up up
Like so many others I just never thought I would
I never thought I would, didn’t pick up the book
Doin’ it by myself, didn’t turn out that good

If I can be an example of getting sober
Then I can be an example of starting over
If I can be an example of getting sober
Then I can be an example of starting over

We fell so hard
Now we gotta get back what we lost.. lost..
I thought you’d go
But you were with me all along.. along..

We fell so hard
Now we gotta get back what we lost.. lost..

 

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